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Tuesday, 15 September 2009

Thursday, 23 July 2009

  • Life is so weird sometimes All the time.
    I'm at this age now where you are supposed to be figuring out your life and starting a family and being a real grown up.....but I feel so behind.
    Recently i was talking to one of my friends about houses and money and white picket fences. We were talking about how weird it was that over half of the people we went to high school with are married, they have a house and kids and somehow careers? Some of these people we know were such (for a lack of a better word) losers in high school, meaning that they had no work ethic, they were obnoxious, they had no discipline. So I find myself sometimes being upset thinking that these people are farther ahead in life then i am. Realistically.... its hard to be 25 with Debt and school and a job that doesn't pay a whole lot. How am i supposed to afford a house and kids already? Not possible....seriously.
    SO how is it that these kids (literally....like 18, 19 20) can afford these lifestyles?
    We have a friend that bought a house, a car and had a baby all before she was 21. So now she is a stay at home mom plus she is working on her career.
    It's so frustrating to see these kinds of things happening when i am struggling to keep my cell phone on. lol.
    So my question is, do you think that there is a specific time that you should be making these life changes? Or are we all just at different places and it happens when it happens?

Tuesday, 30 June 2009

  • Currently
    Elect the Dead
    By Serj Tankian
    Money
    see related

    Money don't get everything it's true. What it don't get I can't use.

    Money makes me sick to my stomach.
    My whole life has always revolved around money. Even when i was a little girl. Money determines everything. I hate the people that try to preach about how money can't buy you happiness and money won't fix everything in your life. With all due respect, I disagree. When i was a little girl (1-6yrs old.) My dad's mom died and left our family a huge amount of money. So my parents moved out of their little apartment and into their dream house. All the sudden, overnight, we were a rich family in Chicago. My mom got to stay home with me and raise me while my dad was out working. I had the best schooling, clothes, toys, food, life. Our  whole family would come over for holidays and rave about what a beautiful life my parents had made for me. I had an amazing childhood.....all because of money. Then my dad wasted through all of our money. Cocaine, heroin, Prostitutes, and god knows what else. He spent my college tuition fund in one week. We were broke. So my family moved us out to this awful, poor sate of New Mexico because that's all we could afford. From the time i was 6 to about 15 my family was poor. No money. Barley getting by. My brother was born right before we left Chicago, so his childhood was much different then mine. He grew up knowing it was macaroni and cheese for lunch and dinner again. He grew up expecting to move from place to place because we could not  afford the rent. He did not know anything about having what he wanted or needed, just getting by to the next day. I grew up a bitter girl. I had a taste of a really good life, and then i had to live in poverty. I vowed that when i got old enough i would never be without money or what i wanted. So now I'm in this situation where my job was taken away because the business closed, the economy is shitty, No one is hiring. Frustration is setting in. I flip on the radio and there is some guy that made a song called "Birthday Sex" and he is a multi millionaire, but i will work my ass off at some job i hate and i will never make as much money as that guy has seen in one week. wtf?
    I don't have enough to cover my bills, gas, or food. It's dawning on me that money is hard to come by. I just hate that that is what dictates my life. Not because i am hardworking or lazy. Not because i make good or bad decisions. Its all about money. 10,000 dollars could change my life right now. i could pay everything i owe, i could have money for the things i need. 10,000 measly dollars and i am a new person. This world is crazy.

    Money so they say
    Is the root of all evil today
    But if you ask for a rise it's no surprise that they're
    giving none away......

    <3kk

Monday, 29 June 2009

  • Currently
    Weeds - Season 4
    By Hunter Parrish, Kevin Nealon, Alexander Gould, Justin Kirk
    see related

    If The Phone Dosen't Ring, You'll Know It's Me....

    I watched that movie "He's just not that into you".
    I read the book when i was younger. One of my good friends bought it for me after she saw this crazy stupid relationship i had going on with this guy. He had me on a string. He would call me over when he wanted sex, or when the other guys were talking to "their girls" or when he needed some eye candy, but he would never call during the day for anything else. I waited by my phone all day until he would call me at night. I was so excited to hear from him, but he never called. And i ate that shit up. I thought he really liked me. Turns out he used me when he was bored or horny, and stopped seeing me when he realized he was in love with his girlfriend and i was a waste of time. <go figure>
    The book helped me realize that, which is funny......and lame.
    After i watched the movie i felt so awful.
    I feel like sometimes in our lives we don't realize what role we are playing in someone's life.
    When i was in middle school I met a boy. From the very first day i met him this boy has been in crazy love with me.....and I'm 25 now. We hang out, we watch movies together, we have dinner we smoke weed. But for me this is all very platonic. When I'm bored and there is nothing else to do I'll call him up. When I feel like i want to smoke some mota but i don't want to pay for it, I'll call him. If my boyfriend is pissing me off and i want to take my mind off of it, I call him. So he reads this as I like him, i'm into him when really, he's just there for my convenience.
    (I know i sound like a super bitch that has no feelings...but if you get to know me, i'm pretty funny too.)
    So recently middle school boy has been getting upset with me for playing with his heart. He feels lead on, he doesn't know how to feel, his heart is broken....blah blah blah. and this it when it clicked with me. He's like that guy in the movie that is in love with Scarlett Johanson. She leads him on through the whole movie but doesn't realize shes doing it because she is so caught up with being obsessed with another guy.
    (Enter Amazing guy I am going to marry and have babies with)
    So now i feel like an asshole because i didn't realize that all of the meaningless hanging out, and watching dvds and having dinner actually means something  to middle school boy. It means a lot. He really loves me for real and wants to start something, and i just use him to cure my bored Sunday. It was like a flash back to that guy that used to treat me so bad. I have become the asshole guy. I use Middle school boy whenever i feel like I'm not getting enough attention from the guy i actually love. But i'll drop everything I'm doing for the guy i love. I don't even care about  middle school boy at all.
    I just had to tell someone that i felt bad about it. Not that bad.....but semi bad.

    Reflecting on your life sometimes means finding out
    you are now the asshole who doesn't call.
    How ironic.

    <3kk.

Sunday, 28 June 2009

  • Currently
    Seven's Travels
    By Atmosphere
    Reflections.
    see related

    I Am Jack's Haunting Regret.

    Recently i have gone crazy. I'm not sure if it's the getting older thing, the life situations thing, or just the gene pool thing, but i am definitely crazy. I always used to make fun of those girls that didn't have their shit together. You know the ones. The ones that are on trashy t.v shows about baby daddies and cheaters. The ones that obviously have issues about themselves and everyone around them. These girls were my weekly guilty pleasure. Now I am one of those Tyra girls. I hate myself.
    Before I dive into this story i have to preface i with this: My life used to be SO together.
    I'm serious. I had the job of my dreams that paid well enough for me to have my own place and whatever i needed, I had tons of friends that I had tons of drunk summers with, I had a sane mother that took care of me and hung out with me and loved me. I had a man in my life that IS (not was) perfect for me in every way. Every single little way.
    And somehow I managed to fuck everything up. Everything.
    Now, this is not a depressed young woman post about how my life is in the shitter and I'll never get out. It's more of a reflection on what went wrong? What did i do that lead me up to this day and the situations that I currently can't get way from.

    Crazy Girl Action #1:
    A couple of weeks ago I broke up with that perfect man from my story. I just randomly decided one day, it's time to break up. Ok.....not randomly....but not with too much reason either. 4 years of perfection. 4 years of being treated like a damn princess. 4 years of being loved and cuddled and kissed......over in one crazy, idiotic moment. Why? I have thought about it over and over. what i came up with was lame.
    My Mind Says: "I feel like I'm no where good enough for this man. He is amazing. He does everything for me, and i just feel like i can't give anything back to him, and if i can't do that, then how will he ever know that I love him? he won't and then he'll get bored with me and be gone. and then i will die of a broken heart."
    My Logic Says: "He doesn't need things to show your love. He just wants you. He knows you love him just by being around you everyday, just by hugging you, just by making jokes with you, the little things."
    My Action: I had a crazy girl meltdown and broke up with him. (I am Jacks haunting regret)
    Now for the past week and a half i have been locked up in my room crying everyday because it literally hurts to be without him. Literally. It makes me so sad to be without him I cry, for hours. It's Ridiculous. So we talked......and we fought......and we talked and we fought.....and now we are in relationship limbo, all because i had a moment of pure insanity that i will never be able to take back. It's like a black mark on our relationship forever until i'm dead. We were planning our wedding. I found my dress. Everything was perfect. FML.

    Crazy Girl Action #2:
    I can't get motivated.
    My job was taken away because the buisness closed. and after that I just couldn't find the motivation to go find another job. I am depressed about not having my old job. I know this is ridiculous, and i need to get my shit together, bt i just don't want to. Sure i have no money and I am a bum......but I would almost perfer that to having some stupid job that i hate.
    My Mind Says: " Fuck it. everyone around you is taking care of you, helping you with bills and gas and food money. They don't yell at you to get your life together. Bum all you want.....Life is good."
    My Logic Says: "Get off your dead ass and find any job that will pay you cunt! You need to take care of yourself and stop letting everyone around you take care of you. Aren't you getting tired of sitting aound at home ALL day doing nothing at all? Ya. I thought so"
    My Action: ........Um......pass the doritos? :/
    In short, I am a bum and can't get motivated. Dream job gone. New job...shitty.

    Crazy Girl action #3:
    My support pryamid has crumbled.
    Rewind 7 years ago. I am surrounded with friends. not just ok friends, best friends. for life friends. Lots of them. We went out everyday together on adventures. We snuck friends out of houses for parties, we droe around and met guys, We danced, we got drunk, We talked about everything. It was an amazing group to be around. Girl are lucky to meet people like this in their entire lives. Then somewere in there my friendships strated dropping like flies. Ruined by livng together, ruined by lies and decet, ruined by guys........All of my friendships......gone. And of course i have tried to repair them but not one of them feel the same now. Hanging out is awkward and distant, conversations or bland, boxy and cliche. It is a really sad thing.
    My Mind Says: "It's ok, friends are forever and these relationships will heal and you will go back to having the freidships that you had before. These are amazing girls that will be there by your side forever."
    My Logic Says: "These girls are literally backstabbing bitches that all have at least one reason to hate me. They are immature and will never be the same as they were. They have all grown up to be bland, boxy and distant. these freindships are gone."
    My Action: I am Anti-social now. I hate meeting new people. I hate having to hang out with people. I would much rather just be in my room watching weeds and playing on facebook all day. (But secretly i long for good friendships that i used to have when i was younger)


    So there is the beginning of my reflection.
    The guy is in Limbo......
    The Job is non exsistant.....
    The friends have all gone away......

    Nowhere to go from here but up.

    Right?

    <3kk.






xAttractionOnDemandx

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    • Name: xAttractionOnDemandx
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 6/28/2009

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